Hey there partners! Step away from the crib assembly, put down that Costco-size pack of diapers, and put a bookmark in The Birth Partner.
In all this excitement of preparing to have a baby, I want to encourage you to not forget about yourself. Your self-care, confidence and mental well-being are super important during your partner's labor and birth. While she may be on center stage during labor, you are the best-supporting-actor, and your role is to help her to get through this. But you can't do that if you haven't practiced your lines and are exhausted, starving, and mentally frazzled on opening night (has the acting metaphor gone far enough?) So, here are fifteen tips and tricks of how you can use music to nurture yourself and stay connected with your partner and baby during labor and birth.
Practice
During the last trimester of your partner’s pregnancy, practice relaxing with her to the playlists that you enjoy. Try to set aside at least 30 minutes every evening before bed to put on the music, turn off your phone and the TV, and wind down to the sound of the music. This practice is extremely important to both you and your partner before the birth. The more you practice falling into a deeply relaxed state to the music before labor and birth, the easier it will be for you to fall back into that state during labor and birth.
Connect
While you’re busy getting the house ready for the new baby, buying last minute diapers and supplies, and anxiously awaiting the new arrival, take some time to connect with your baby in utero using music. While your partner relaxes comfortably, you can put on a song that makes you think of your baby (either on speakers, or just sing directly to your baby!) Use this time to send good thoughts to your baby and let them know that you are so excited to meet them!
Create your own playlists
Come up with a couple of your own playlists of songs to have at the ready on your phone/tablet. One playlist could be songs that make you feel confident, empowered, and pumped up. Think of songs that you would belt out in the car when no one is around, or songs that you put on when you need to get pumped for a workout or primed for a presentation at work. Another playlist could be songs that help you to relax and focus – think of songs that you might put on when you want to wind down from a long day, or songs that you would put on if you were relaxing at the beach. Use these playlists any time you need a boost. During labor, any time your partner is relaxing between contractions, after an epidural, or if you need a few minute break (and she’s being supported by a doula or other support person), put one of your playlists on with headphones and let the music reboot you.
Music during early labor
During early labor, put on a playlist of songs that are meaningful to you and your partner – songs you love to listen to together, your wedding song, songs that remind you of fun times you’ve had – and use this as a time to connect and show her your love and support.
Move to the music
During labor, support your partner by swaying, slow dancing, walking, and moving with her to the music. If she wants to walk around during early labor or get in the shower or tub, you can carry along your wireless speaker and keep the music going!
Let the music guide you
If your partner enjoys massage during labor, let the tempo of the music guide your massage strokes. Use firm, even pressure starting at the top of her back and working your way down, working slowly to the sound of the music.
focus on the music instead of the clock
Instead of focusing on the clock during contractions, focus instead on the music. Encourage your partner by telling her that she just got through another song, and every song brings her that much closer to seeing her baby.
let the music encourage position changes
To encourage position changes during labor, use the music as a guide. Suggest to your partner, “let’s stay here for two more songs, then we’ll change positions.”
use the music as a reminder for a check-in
Use the beginnings and ends of each song to do a mental check-in with yourself and your partner – are you hydrated? Do you need to use the bathroom? Are you sitting comfortably? Do you need to stretch? Does she need anything from you? Can you give her some words of support?
keep calm and change the playlist
If your partner seems stuck, frustrated, exhausted, or like she just can’t do it anymore, change the playlist. Sometimes a simple change in music can help her feel re-energized and refocused on the baby that’s on the way!
use the music to help you take deep breaths
During transition and pushing, focus on the music and use it as a reminder to take a deep breath and relax your body. Allow the sound of the music to support you and your partner and remember that you both can do this!
allow the music to help you bond
After the baby is born and you are cuddling and bonding with your baby and partner, put on a playlist of quiet love songs or lullabies to have on in the background. Hum and sing along to your baby!
use the music after baby is born
In the early days and weeks postpartum, play the song that you played for your baby in utero (see #2) while you hold and comfort them.
hum and sing to your baby
Don’t be afraid to hum and sing to your baby! It doesn’t matter if you think you’re a good singer or not, or even what song you sing. Your voice, eye contact, and soothing touch are vitally important to your baby, and by singing to them you will strengthen your bond even more.
