How My Own Birth Experiences Made Me a Better Doula

Hi, I'm Beth Hardy, owner & founder of Heart Tones Birth. As a Salt Lake City doula, I have the privilege of supporting families through some of the most transformative moments of their lives. While every birth is unique, my own two birth experiences have profoundly shaped the way I approach my work and the support I offer.

I had already been working as a doula for 5 years when I gave birth to my first baby. With experience, knowledge, and confidence, I had planned a home birth with a midwife. My pregnancy ended up going almost 2 weeks past my due date. By the time labor started, I was so ready!

Little did I know that I’d labor at home for about 40 hours before eventually transferring to a hospital where my baby would be born. I chose to get an epidural, and eventually ended up getting a c-section because so much time had passed and my baby wasn’t coming out even when I pushed for several hours. And after all that, my baby spent a week in the NICU due to an unknown infection. The whole experience went so differently from what I’d planned, and I had to do lots of work in therapy for several years to process the unexpected changes and come to terms with it all.

Second time’s a charm…maybe? 

A few years later, I got pregnant with my second baby, and I was so ready for a do-over this time! Again, I planned a home birth with a midwife. And AGAIN I labored at home for 24+ hours and pushed for several hours, and still no baby.

I transferred to the hospital, got an epidural, Pitocin, attempted to push while the doctor used forceps (which didn’t work). Eventually I was able to push my baby out and have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).

There were some postpartum complications with this one, including more blood loss than expected. It took me some time in the hospital to recover and feel back to myself.

Gaining Perspective Through Personal Experience

I couldn’t believe both my births went so incredibly differently from what I’d expected and planned. Even though both of my births were hard in their own ways, they taught me about letting go. I had to let go of what I thought birth would be like. I had to let go of my sense of control, release my expectations, and let go of my plans.

Each birth journey is unpredictable and deeply personal. Going through labor and birth myself—twice—gave me firsthand insight into the emotional and physical intensity of the process. I experienced the anticipation, the unexpected turns, and the need for flexibility. This has made me more empathetic and adaptable when supporting clients, understanding that even the best-laid plans for birth and postpartum may change.

Deepening My Compassion

Now, being on the other side of my children's births, I am more attuned to the emotional landscape of laboring parents. I recognize the vulnerability, the strength, and the courage it takes to bring new life into the world. This deepened compassion informs every aspect of my doula practice, from prenatal visits to postpartum care.

Ultimately, my own birth experiences have made me a more well-rounded doula. They have given me empathy, flexibility, and a profound respect for the diversity of birth. I am honored to walk alongside families as they write their own birth stories, bringing not just professional knowledge but also personal understanding to every birth I attend.